• Mark Crabtree

Validation - Affirmation - Rubber stamping. Call it what you will but we all need it! Oct 14, 2014

As a teenager, I remember sitting in the back of an uncle's classic Rover P5 with my brother and cousin. We'd been out sailing the Solent for the weekend and were heading back to Wokingham. His buddy in the front was an affluent new car franchise owner and they were both drunk from copious amounts of "Mother's Ruin". I was scared as we were seatbeltless in the back and he was driving like an absolute idiot through the back lanes of Berkshire heading towards his favourite Berni Inn for a pit-stop. I say all of this because I remember him looking to his friend waiting for a response that told him that he was an excellent driver. No such affirmation was forthcoming; in fact, I believe his friend was far too busy hanging on to the contents of his stomach.

You see I believe all of us deep down yearn for approval. In fact, I believe we are wired for affirmation supporting the fact that we are more than enough and yet, for the majority of us we are left wanting. In point of fact, I have spent the best part of 25 years of my life searching for approval in all of the wrong places. You see my dad abdicated that right back in my early teens when he left the family home in search of a new life. I was left to my own devices and what made it worse is that I did not understand what I was doing or what I was looking for. It would be many years later before I recognised the fact that in order for me to form my identity, I needed assurances that I was up for the challenge.

So the big question has to be: What is the solution? If affirmation, which was originally bestowed by a father, has been diluted down to a mere token gesture or a total absence! What do we do? Many of us walk the earth with no idea as to our capabilities, our giftings, our values, roots, or identity. We spend much of our time in search of answers and try and identify ourselves with success at work or in the size of our bank balances or expensive toys which do no more than offer a token, temporary solution. But the root cause remains. Finally, the answer is this, in the form of a declaration: I might not have been rubber stamped with approval but - I am good enough, in fact, I am more than good enough. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have value, I have worth and I have the capacity to be not just a conqueror but more than a conqueror. So who told me all of this? No one tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I had a minute. But deep down I know it is true, in fact, I believe it with all of my heart. The answer is out there. I promise you it is. It took me a while to find out but if you keep digging and refuse to quit you will find it and in a place you least expected.

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Here are some old posts from my old site; "Golden Nuggets for Blokes"